dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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