My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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