The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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