i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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