This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
