I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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