so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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