he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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