having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
