hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
