do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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