I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
