So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
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