im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
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