She announced her abortion via fbk
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
