You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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