i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
