I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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