I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
