Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
