he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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