yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
