He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
where are my eyebrows?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
