She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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