so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
