I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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