why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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