nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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