My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
