I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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