I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
