Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
