Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
