Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
