ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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