I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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