are you still at the devil's house?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
