Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Randomize
