Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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