I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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