Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
