Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Randomize
