dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
