oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Randomize
