Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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