I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
