I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
