last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
