did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
