Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Houston, we have a blender
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
