youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You ruined the universe
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
